Too Much Information
by Goddess Andraste
Summary: In which Jack and Sam have a moment, post200... And then Jack is, well, Jack, and SG1 dodges the fallout.


Title: Too Much Information

Author: Goddess Andraste

Category: Missing Scene/Romance

Disclaimer: Alas, not mine. But I'll put them back, I swear…

Spoilers: 200 (S9)

* * *

The cake had been fantastic.

Well, cakes. Five of them, actually, all different flavors and colors. A piece of each had been quickly and happily consumed by one Major General Jack O'Neill, and Sam was convinced that the promise of cake had been his main motivation for going on their little "recon mission."

Cam's party had been a rousing success. The man of the hour was completely thrown off guard, especially since he'd probably thought he was the only person keeping track of his 'gate trips.

SG-15 and 16 had been designated as the clean-up squad, and had taken the remnants of the party back with them to the SGC. General Landry had been the next to leave, and with his departure, the rest of the teams had gone back through the 'gate to their previous locations, leaving SG-1, plus Jack, alone.

After the party, they had set up camp for the night. Sam had nearly choked fighting back laughter as Jack had thrown his gear into one tent with hers, and silently stared down the rest of the team, daring them to say anything. Daniel and Vala had been in mid-bicker about their own sleeping arrangements at the time, and could have cared less. Sam wondered why they bothered, since they invariably ended up together, anyway. Cam and Teal'c had merely shrugged and taken the last tent, with Cam rolling his eyes at the lot of them.

Cam and Vala were currently on watch, and Sam could hear the low murmur of their occasional conversation. She sighed contentedly and snuggled closer to Jack in their shared, zipped-together sleeping bags.

"Comfy?"

His voice was a low, amused rumble beneath her ear. She slipped a hand beneath his t-shirt and idly stroked his side. "Very." She kissed the hollow at the base of his throat, one of her favorite spots. "God, I've missed you."

He kissed the top of her head. "Tell me about it. I willingly let them send me to Malibu to talk to Marty's 'people' in the hopes that I could detour to the Mountain. If this wouldn't have come up, I was seriously thinking about retiring or going AWOL. We broke our rule, Sam."

Sam grimaced at the reminder. Marital rule #2 was that they would spend no more than a month apart without taking drastic measures. Due to the continuing mess with the Ori, it had been nearly two months since they'd been in the same time zone. Neither was happy about it. While they'd managed to avoid arguing about it thus far, neither of them were patient people. Distance and the strain of discretion were wearing on them. Outside of their small circle of friends, their one year old marriage was still a secret, and that secrecy was beginning to take its toll.

"Jack, I've been thinking."

She smiled as he stifled a snort of laughter. "Really?"

"Shut up," she retorted with a chuckle. Her hand migrated under his shirt to rest over his heart. "When this thing with the Ori is finished, and we've sent them packing…" She sighed. "And I have to keep thinking that way, because anything else is too depressing… When it's over, I'm resigning."

The jolt of his heartbeat gave away his surprise. "Sam…"

She shook her head. "Jack, we've been married for one year, two months, and…" She paused a moment as she did the math. "And five days. I was staring at the calendar the other day, and I began to wonder. As best as I can figure, out of that time, we've spent less than a month in actual, physical proximity."

He sighed deeply. "Sam, we knew this wasn't going to be easy…"

She shook her head. "No, I'm not complaining. I'm merely stating a fact. I miss you, Jack. I want to wake up with you in the morning and fall asleep with you at night. I want to argue about the laundry, bitch about you mangling the toothpaste tube again, and curl up with you when The Simpsons are on." She rose up on one elbow to meet his eyes, barely visible in the flickering light from their small campfire. "I want to have a baby, Jack. One with your eyes and smile."

His hand came up and gently brushed her hair back. "I know. I want that more than anything else I've wanted, besides you. I have this picture in my mind of a blonde little angel who's smarter than me and snarkier than you." He smiled. "But you can't resign. We'll kick the Ori's pale asses to Hell or wherever they came from, and then I'll resign." He shook his head, stalling her protest. "Sam, D.C. is sucking my soul. I need to get out. I practically live in my office because going back to my empty house is depressing. When I finally do drag my ass home, I sit in front of the TV and drink. I think I sleep on the couch more than I do in my bed."

Sam slipped back down and resumed her previous position, snuggled against Jack's side, her head on his chest. "Jack, we're really messed up."

His hand idly stroked her arm. "Yeah, I know." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it before linking his fingers with hers. "We beat the Ori, I resign, and you and I get serious about making a baby. I'll be your adoring house husband, but I draw the line at wearing an apron or greeting you at the door with a martini."

Just when she thought she couldn't fall any more deeply in love with this man, he did something to surprise her, and added another layer of depth to her already unfathomably complex feelings. "I love you, Jack." Her thumb brushed lightly over their joined fingers. "But just out of curiosity… Why are you so against me resigning?"

To her surprise, he chuckled. "You really don't see it, do you?" He couldn't see her face, but he must have sensed her confusion. "Sam, you'll be running the SGC in ten years. You're already being groomed for it."

She jolted back up, this time into a seated position. "Are you nuts?" Her, run the SGC? Yes, it had finally happened. Jack O'Neill, galactic pain in the ass and love of her life, had finally gone 'round the bend.

"Oh, I'm sure I'm not entirely sane. You've known that since day one. But I'm not kidding about this, Sam. When Hank went up to the cabin, he should have recalled Reynolds to take over as acting CO. SG-3 was on a simple recon mission, cloaked, and would have been fine with a three-man team. Simple fact is, he didn't. He wanted to see how you'd do, and you were great. Reynolds has no ambition beyond his current rank. He's told me on several occasions that when he's no longer fit for field duty, he's retiring. You're not the most senior officer on base, but you are the most experienced and most qualified. If you're not sitting in that office with stars on your shoulders by our tenth anniversary, I'll protest – naked – in front of the White House."

The mental image that statement produced smoothed over the worst of her shock. "Makes me want to get demoted just to see that." She suppressed a giggle as he stuck his tongue out at her. "Brigadier General Samantha O'Neill." She shook her head. "Just saying it scares the hell out of me. And I still think you're nuts."

He grinned impishly. "Oh, yeah. But I'm right. You'll see. Now, c'mere."

She settled back down next to him, and they lay there quietly for a time. Outside, they heard the changing of the guard, as Daniel and Teal'c relieved Cam and Vala. The flickering firelight brightened slightly, and Sam could see with her mind's eye Daniel stoking the fire to make coffee.

"Sam?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you, too."

She smiled, and then narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What do you want, Jack?"

"What makes you think I want something? A guy can't tell his wife he loves her just because?"

She snorted. "I know that tone of voice. You want something."

"Well… I was wondering… Y'know, since I hardly get to go off-world anymore and the odds of going with you to a nice, quiet planet like this are slim to none…"

The man was nothing if not adorably predictable. "Jack, I'm not having sex with you with the rest of SG-1 mere feet away. This is a tent, not a hotel room."

He huffed indignantly. "I wasn't suggesting we have sex here. Geez, I do have some control, you know."

Wait for it…

"I thought maybe I could get up in a while, say I couldn't sleep, and check out that nice little pond through the trees there. You could get up a few minutes later, say you woke up and wondered where I was, and when the guys helpfully told you, you could follow…"

She idly wondered how much thought he'd given this, and decided that, after the cake, this was probably the other motivation for his little off-world excursion. "Jack, they'll know what we're up to."

She couldn't see, but she could almost sense his eyes rolling. "You objected to having sex within earshot of the team. You didn't say anything about them knowing about it. So yeah, they'll probably figure as much, but they won't hear it, unless you start screaming or thanking any and all deities within the vicinity."

She so needed to wipe that smug smirk from his face. Wordlessly, she climbed out of the sleeping bag and began to dress.

"Hey…"

She tossed his boots at him. "Get dressed."

While the idea of permanently being in command of the SGC scared the crap out of her, she had no problem ordering her smug idiot of a husband around. The knowledge that she could and would kick his ass was usually a good source of motivation for him, as well.

He'd barely had his boots tied when she yanked the tent's zipper up and grabbed his arm. "C'mon."

Daniel and Teal'c glanced up, identical looks of surprise on their faces as Sam manhandled Jack through the campsite. "We're going to the pond for a while. Ignore any screaming. There may only be five of us returning home," she informed them. She gave Jack a not-so-gentle shove when he paused in front of the boys. "Move it, O'Neill. They won't save you."

* * *

Jack and Sam's footsteps faded as they made their way through the trees. Daniel sighed and took his glasses off, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "You'd think Jack would know better by now."

Teal'c merely raised an eyebrow. "Indeed. When a man's mate is a formidable warrior, he is wise not to anger her." He bent down and added a log to the fire. "However, I believe O'Neill is in no danger. Colonel Carter was not angry."

Daniel snorted. "She looked pretty pissed to me."

"Colonel Carter looked to be on the verge of laughter, Daniel Jackson. I believe O'Neill did indeed annoy her, as he is wont to do. She seemed to be… I believe the phrase is 'yanking his chain.'"

Daniel groaned. "Well, if Sam isn't really mad at him, you do know what they're doing right now…"

"Indeed."

While Teal'c didn't appear to be bothered by the idea of two of his oldest friends slinking off through the woods to have sex, Daniel was pretty much appalled. He was thrilled that, after so many years of suppressing their feelings, his friends were happily married and very much in love. But he just really didn't like to think about the details, and it was really annoying to have said details slap him upside the head at 0-dark-30 on an alien planet.

Cam's head poked out of his tent. "Hey. Everything okay? Thought I heard someone walking around."

Daniel rolled his eyes, but Teal'c beat him to the punch. "O'Neill and Colonel Carter went for a walk," he informed Cam calmly.

Cam blinked owlishly. "A walk? In the middle of the night?"

Daniel coughed to mask an exasperated sigh.

Apparently he wasn't discreet enough, as Cam turned his sleepy gaze from Teal'c to Daniel. "Jackson? What's…?" His voice trailed off. "Oh. You mean they're…" Cam groaned loudly. "Man, I didn't need that mental image. Thanks a lot."

This cheered Daniel slightly. "I figured if I was stuck with it, someone else could suffer along with me."

The sound of a zipper caught their attention, and Vala emerged from her own tent, yawning. "What's all the fuss out here?"

"Sam and Jack are having sex," Daniel informed her with a smug grin. He was all about sharing the pain.

Vala merely smirked. "They are married, after all. I would certainly hope they're having sex."

Daniel merely gazed at her expectantly.

She glanced around, surveying the men in her small realm. Then realization dawned. "Oh. You mean right now?" She sat down next to Teal'c and glared at Daniel. "And you felt the need to share this with me why?"

Cam crawled out of his tent and plopped down next to her. "Well, now that we're all up, and probably won't close our eyes for days thanks to Jackson's helpful sharing, we might as well entertain ourselves."

A lively poker game was going when Jack and Sam returned an hour later. More specifically, a very smug Sam was dragging a much less smug, much more exhausted Jack in her wake. Jack quickly escaped her clutches and practically fell into their tent. Sam surveyed the card players with a questioning glance. "Why are you all up?"

Vala stretched idly, and Daniel shifted his cards away from her prying eyes. "Couldn't sleep."

"Too much cake," Cam offered.

Teal'c didn't say a word.

Vala smiled sweetly. "Is the General all right? He seemed rather worn out."

Daniel coughed in mid-swallow, his coffee mug in danger of being dropped into the fire.

Sam merely grinned. "He's fine. He's had a long day. So have I, actually. Good night, everyone."

Sam slipped into her tent without looking back. The rest of SG-1 exchanged a look of long-suffering, and then wordlessly returned to their game. The next morning, no mention was made of Sam and Jack's late-night excursion, though the incident was mentally filed away by all parties.

After all, such knowledge was the gold standard for serious future mockage.


End file.
